Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just found puke in my bra..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
