Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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