Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
