Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
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All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
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I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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