There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we have pet lesbian snakes
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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