don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
