go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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