you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
