I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
