just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
