Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
