I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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