I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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