So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
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I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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