we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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