On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
