I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
