We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
