Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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