nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
