In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
