sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
