PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
