Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
