We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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