capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
In other news, I just burned my penis
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
