literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Someone signed my nipple.
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