guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
