My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
