dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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