I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I will be naked everywhere
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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