do herpes really smell.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
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Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
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I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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