if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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