actually, I'm a sock model
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize