i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
