corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
