True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
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No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize