I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
