Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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