ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
