I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
