so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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