There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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