Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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