have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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