her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
