rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
