foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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