Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
vagina is talking i cant
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
