I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
