I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
