He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
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apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
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Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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