I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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