My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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