he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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