We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
