It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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