he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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