Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
