You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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