Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She's like a pop up book from hell.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
